Bright
by doctorrobinson
Summary: In which Hanschen finds out something that he never wanted to.


The house shook as Ernst slammed the door, Hanschen close behind him. He threw his bag on his dining room table and continued up the stairs, stomping loudly. Hanschen gingerly placed his bag on the notably fragile table and followed Ernst. By the time he reached the top, the door to Ernst's room was closed.

"Ernst, you're acting ridiculous." Hanschen said, leaning against the doorframe. He rapped at the wood and waited. When he was met with only silence, he tried the door handle only to find it locked. "Let me in, I want to talk to you."

"I'm not talking about anything." was the muffled reply. "Just...please, go away." Hanschen sighed and knocked again.

"I'm not leaving until you open this door." He said firmly. He paused with just a hint of a smirk and stepped back as he heard the door slowly creak and reveal a very pale Ernst. He wordlessly stepped aside and let Hanschen in, closing the door behind him. Hanschen sat on the bed and patted the spot next to him. Ernst folded his arms, hesitated, and then joined him. He stared at his hands, which were tightly wrapped around each other and placed on his lap. He didn't look up, even when Hanschen began to talk.

"Please, Ernst. I'm concerned." He said, still trying to catch Ernst's eye. "You've become so quiet. I've noticed your grades are falling as well." Ernst turned his head at the words, staring at his pillow on the comforter. "And then with what happened earlier in the vineyard. You barely touched me."

"I've been...preoccupied." Ernst murmured, still avoiding looking at Hanschen. "I apologize."

"Look at me." Hanschen commanded. He touched Ernst's face, pulling it towards his. "Ernst, look at me." Ernst unsteadily met his eye, flushing a shameful red. Hanschen's gaze flicked down to Ernst's hand, which was tugging down the sleeve of his uniform. He looked back up at Ernst with a bewildered expression on his face, which quickly turned into one of cold understanding.

"Show me your wrist."

Ernst's eyes flew open as his hand flew to wrap around his sleeve. "There's nothing to see." He said with a half smile, his eyes now darting across the room.

"Show me your wrist, Ernst." Hanschen repeated, his eyes steely. Ernst nervously shifted away from him and turned to look at his bedside lamp.

"No." Ernst said quickly. "I-I don't want to."

Hanschen made a grab for his arm and Ernst pushed him away violently, falling back against the headboard. Hanschen reached for him again only to be slapped away again. Hanschen did not move for a lengthy pause, his mind racing. He slowly crawled up next to Ernst, who was curled up in the corner. They did nothing for a long while, until Ernst leaned his head against Hanschen's shoulder. Hanschen encircled his hand around Ernst's wrist, who did not pull away this time. He slowly slid his sleeve up and turned his arm around so the marks on were visible. Hanschen took in a deep, shaky breath as he continued farther and farther up. Ernst chanced a glance at him, and was surprised to see a look of such _sadness _on his normally arrogant face. Hanschen looked up at him and cupped his face gently, abandoning his arm. He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, and kissed Ernst softly. Ernst broke away and swiped at his eyes roughly.

"I-I'm so sorry, Hanschen." He cried out. "I'm so _sorry_!" The tears came steadily now and Hanschen was taken back by how much emotion Ernst was showing. He had never seen him fall this far. He shushed him and took him in his arms, trying to comfort him the best he could. Despite the countless times they had held each other like this, the fact that Ernst was weeping steadily into his chest and he himself was trembling made it clear that this was not like the other times. They would not be able to sit like this again without the memory popping into their heads. Hanschen stroked Ernst's hair and whispered calm words to him until his breathing slowed.

"I can hardly fathom what you must be going through." Hanschen said quietly. "Should we talk about it?" He felt Ernst shake his head slowly against his chest. Hanschen propped his chin on top of Ernst's head and sighed quietly, only to receive another shaky apology from Ernst.

"Darling, you needn't apologize." He said, trying to regain some of his composure. "I understand."

Ernst nodded and took Hanschen's hand hesitantly. Hanschen squeezed it.

"Would you like me to take your mind off of it?" He prodded with a smirk, half-joking. He was surprised when Ernst nodded after a moment of hesitation.

This dance they did so often was so different at this moment. Though they repeated the actions they had perfected over time, the way they kissed each other hungrily was laced with tenderness. When Hanschen's hand found his way into Ernst's pants, the gasp he gave off was not only one of pleasure, it was one of burning need. Hanschen kissed his face over and over as he worked his hand, and Ernst clung to his shoulders desperately as his cries grew louder. Something in him clicked as he approached his climax, and he removed Hanschen's hand from his pants. They stared at each other for a long moment before Ernst removed the rest of his clothes and toyed with the buttons on Hanschen's shirt.

"Ernst, what are you-" Hanschen asked, bewildered.

"I'm ready." Ernst said, removing Hanschen's shirt and starting on his pants.

Hanschen watched Ernst's face, which was furrowed in concentration as he struggled to get the pants off. "No. Not like this."

Ernst looked up. "Don't you want to?"

"Terribly, _t_e_rribly_." Hanschen responded, still searching Ernst's face. "But this would serve as only a distraction for you. And something like this is far too important."

Ernst did not remove his hands. "Hanschen, I have been ready to do this for weeks. Please. I want this." His voice, heavy with need, aroused Hanschen tremendously, though it shamed him how much. He swallowed and leaned in to kiss Ernst. Despite the sorrowful circumstances, Hanschen knew somehow that he and Ernst were ready to finally commit. He removed the rest of his clothes himself and flipped Ernst so he was on top. Ernst grinded against him and he let out a groan, digging his nails into Ernst's back. They moved again, creating a heated friction that made both of them cry out. Ernst reached down and kissed Hanschen passionately, intertwining their legs. Hanschen shivered as Ernst continued down his neck and to his chest, sucking a mark.

"Slow down." He muttered, then nearly jumped off the bed as Ernst's mouth found its way to his length. Hanschen swore loudly as his tongue slipped back and forth. This behaviour, taking charge, was so unlike Ernst, but he was not ready to complain. His back arched off of the covers as Ernst gave off a loud hum. Unfortunately for Hanschen, Ernst had enough experience with him to know exactly what set him off, although he was too shy to admit it. Hanschen reached desperately for some part of Ernst, to give off a warning.

"St-Stop. Ernst, stop." Hanschen stammered in a vulnerable tone he detested. Ernst reluctantly pulled away and climbed back on top of the other boy.

"You've gotten far too good at that," Hanschen murmured, and Ernst flushed. He kissed him steadily, and somehow Hanschen found himself hovering over top of Ernst, trying to relax him as best he could before he took action. Ernst's face had quickly turned from one of pleasure to one of nervousness, and no matter how much Hanschen reassured him, it would not erase.

"Ernst, I won't lie to you. This will most likely hurt." Hanschen said softly. "But I'm not going to do anything that you're not equally willing to do."

Ernst was silent then, seemingly contemplating his decision. Hanschen's hand moved down to meet Ernst's in a moment of tenderness. Ernst looked down at their intertwined hands then back up at Hanschen. He gave a nod and then closed his eyes. His expression changed when he felt Hanschen probing inside him, his brow furrowing and his eyes crinkling around the edges as he squeezed them tight. Soon enough it became an expression of sweaty open-mouthed _ecstasy_ as Hanschen located a spot inside him that made him gasp.

"H-Hanschen, now, please-oh _God_-" He wailed, clawing the blankets. What Hanschen was doing to him was better than anything he had ever felt, but he knew that if he continued the night would be over. Hanschen removed his fingers and kissed Ernst roughly. Ernst made a small squeaking noise at the harsh and sudden contact. He watched as Hanschen spat in his hand and lubricated himself, his eyes never leaving the boy's face. Hanschen met his eye and smiled. Not smirked, nor grinned the way he did when he got his way. A smile, a genuine smile. This reassured Ernst more than words or contact ever could. With this in mind, he leaned back down and closed his eyes again.

Hanschen must have entered him because he felt a sharp pain followed by a dull ache. They both let out an immediate groan, one of discomfort and one of pleasure. Hanschen did not dare move for fear of harming the poor boy further. He waited for three breaths until he rolled his hips and watched for a reaction. Ernst made some sort of 'mmph' sound and exhaled loudly. When he was asked whether they should continue, he answered with a shaky nod and an even shakier smile. Hanschen moved again, kissing Ernst gently and gasping quietly. Ernst's face relaxed and he began to move with Hanschen, carefully at first. The pain was still there but substantially smaller. He clung to Hanschen's neck, beginning to make small pleasurable noises.

"Oh, fuck." Hanschen whispered, rolling his hips again and making them both moan. "Ernst, Ernst." The sound of Hanschen groaning his name sent a bolt of electricity running through Ernst's body and he smashed their lips together roughly. Their kisses were becoming more teeth and less tongue. Hanschen moved his lips down to Ernst's neck and he cried out loudly. The pace was fast now, hurried and heated. They were equally vocal, both desperate for the point where they would fall off the edge together.

"Hanschen, I-I'm close," Ernst whimpered. Hanschen made a noise of agreement and worked his hand on Ernst's length. This was almost too much for the poor boy and he wailed his loudest yet, bucking his hips and managing to push back on Hanschen's thrusts. Hanschen shuddered violently, his ending close as well. He doubled his speed on both accounts and watched Ernst for a warning. It took one, two, three thrusts before Ernst grabbed at him frantically and arched his back.

"I...I..." He choked out, unable to gather his thoughts. The spring in his stomach unclenched and he let go with a cry of Hanschen's name. Hanschen felt Ernst tighten around him and this too drove him over the edge. He grabbed Ernst's shoulders, somehow rearranging the two of them so the boy was sitting on his lap and his own legs were wrapped around Ernst's hips. He carried them through both of their orgasms, holding Ernst to his chest. Even after their breathing slowed and their pulse returned to its normal speed, they did not entangle from each other. Hanschen opened his mouth to say something in his usual casual demeanour but he was interrupted by the quiet sniffling into his shoulder.

"Ernst?" He asked carefully, guilt in his voice.

Ernst pulled away from Hanschen's shoulder and wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Is it something that I..." Hanschen inquired softly, feeling unnaturally self-conscious. He was relieved when Ernst shook his head and smiled.

"No, it's nothing that you could have done." Ernst reassured. "I love you, Hanschen."

It was clear that Ernst didn't expect Hanschen to say anything back, as per usual. However, it was in this moment, with the cuts decorating Ernst's wrists and the afterglow of their climaxes still with them, that Hanschen whispered the words back. There was no way to describe the way Ernst's eyes lit up or how his smile reached every inch of his face. The night itself seemed to brighten as Ernst leaned in for a final kiss before falling onto the bed and straight into slumber. Hanschen settled next to him and watched his chest fall up and down in slow breaths. His gaze flickered down to Ernst's arms, which were wrapped around the pillow. He leaned over and took one of his wrists in his hands, studying the marks. Though they were not overly deep, he knew that when Ernst did something drastic he did it with strong emotion. He resented how uncharacteristically tender he had been, it was as if Ernst was beginning to rub off on him. He decided that tomorrow things would go back to normal, and neither would mention what had happened before. In an endearing 'fuck it' moment, he raised his lips to the marks and quickly put the arm back down for fear of Ernst waking. Hanschen curled up next to the boy and placed his hand on his slender hip, drawing him closer. Ernst shifted and sighed sleepily, looking over his shoulder. Hanschen whispered some sort of 'go back to sleep' to him and Ernst nodded groggily, turning back over. The night was no longer bright.


End file.
